A terrible becoming as you realize that the paths you’ve taken and followed and loved were to burn the dross. You’re once more at a dead end where you have no where to go. And then you look up and down and realize that there is a path to move forward - you just have to get creative and find the way out of the culdesac of apathy. 

nprfreshair:

Something for your afternoon: Every year there’s a contest online for grad students to “dance their thesis.” Four of the “Dance Your PhD thesis” videos are now posted.  Above, my personal favorite: Anna Robson dancing to her PhD thesis, “Nanosensing protein allostery and peptide interactions using SERS.”

(via mssnglnk)

This series of not so fortunate events over the last year of my life has taught me that nothing is permanent, even the bad times.

I am an emotional creature where my emotions are like a dominant dog: if I show weakness, they wreak havoc with my head, heart and life.

Family is more important to me than I ever realized and I want reconciliation.

It’s never too late to make a positive change, even if it means setting aside everything and going back to that fork in the road when the path you chose dead-ended. “Well, lookie here, I *can* take this other road and look at everything I learned taking the one less traveled… even if it ended at an unpassable cliff.”

Freelancing, web design, writing, marketing is all fine and good. It’s not my “calling” or what I should be doing with where I want to go with my life. After some major soul searching, I found that nursing or some sort of medical profession will be my career of choice. I have a hard 2-4 years ahead of me: school, relocating, board exams, clinical hours, frustration and having peace about letting go of an 8 year journey of dead ends to get me to this point of clarity. 

I’m 10 years older than a lot of people who choose this career path. It’s going to be a long road. I’m also going to walk it single. A relationship will not be denied if everything falls into place but I’m no longer willing to be vulnerable when I have so much healing and changing to do inside my heart. I have to pour all of my love and adoration into me for a bit… so I will. I am very open to the right man coming along. I’m refusing to play unhealthy games or put myself in a position of pain. Hardest decision I’ve made but there’s a sense of peace that’s already creeping in when I think about shielding myself from the anxiety of wondering if he’s going to call, hoping things will work out, wanting what he can’t give, etc. I play for keeps and if he doesn’t want that, I need to be strong enough to move on and stay the course to bring me what I want. 

Things will get better. Yes. Yes they will. 

You have so much tension in your back.

(via weasleyswizardwheezes)

Headed down south to the land of the pines And I’m thumbin’ my way into North Caroline Starin’ up the road And pray to God I see headlights I made it down the coast in seventeen hours Pickin’ me a bouquet of dogwood flowers And I’m a hopin’ for Raleigh I can see my baby tonight So rock me mama like a wagon wheel Rock me mama anyway you feel Hey mama rock me Rock me mama like the wind and the rain Rock me mama like a south-bound train Hey mama rock me Runnin’ from the cold up in New England I was born to be a fiddler in an old-time stringband My baby plays the guitar I pick a banjo now Oh, the North country winters keep a gettin’ me now Lost my money playin’ poker so I had to up and leave But I ain’t a turnin’ back To livin’ that old life no more So rock me mama like a wagon wheel Rock me mama anyway you feel Hey mama rock me Rock me mama like the wind and the rain Rock me mama like a south-bound train Hey mama rock me Walkin’ to the south out of Roanoke I caught a trucker out of Philly Had a nice long toke But he’s a headed west from the Cumberland Gap To Johnson City, Tennessee And I gotta get a move on fit for the sun I hear my baby callin’ my name And I know that she’s the only one And if I die in Raleigh At least I will die free So rock me mama like a wagon wheel Rock me mama anyway you feel Hey mama rock me Rock me mama like the wind and the rain Rock me mama like a south-bound train Hey mama rock me

When you see the back of the person holding your heart walking out the door, something happens, deeper than you realize. The snap of breaking is audible. It’s not just the love and the relationship you lose, it’s your life together, your dreams, your goals, the shining future that kept you going during three years of dark nights with deadlines, cheap ramen and unpaid bills. 

Life has blessed some to never know that crucifixion. And I hate myself for hating them in their untouched innocence. Just don’t judge me for not being happy for you; I wonder if you deserve it since you’ve never had your heart broken.

This. Is the shit.

thefrenemy:

I’m not a big fan of having regrets. Of course, this sometimes poses a problem because I usually want to punch everybody who says ‘everything happens for a reason’ in the face. Why? People who say that are telling me that while I am at my most miserable, and nothing is worse than smart-ass people…

Fate glanced at me today. Icicles in my gut causing a one-two punch to my sensibilities. Tomorrow was always a strange land. No map, no road, no way to know which way to go. Tomorrow arrived today, wake up 

Fate reached out and took my hand today. No lover’s clasp to reassure, no parent’s grip to correct, the setting of what will and must be. Stumbling dance to follow her quickstep count and spin, my feet somehow finding their blind way through. There’s no comfort in the forced march of developments denied and blockage freed. Tomorrow comes ready or not and fate marches me on.

Fate pushed me forward today. Pacing a path in circles around uncertain idols and sacred trees, she gave me a one-two shove and slapping sense to bring my head even with my heart. My heart told my head, “This time no,” and my head smothered doubt and told my heart, “So deal.” With goosebumps covering my arms, we go. Stepping uncertain in the infant bravery of motivation, I go. 

Fate made a change today. She wouldn’t let me lay, instead forced the prayer of “Oh Christ” to shift me awake. I’ve been asleep for far too long, denying the internal struggle in drowsy shifts under the quilt, blinking back the daylight and the call to wakefulness. Just 5 more minutes.

I don’t have 5 more minutes. The grace period is gone and my number is drawn. 

Get going, girl. Time’s up and your train is leaving the station… your fate driving the engine.